BLUE PAPER JUDGE!?!??!

So today i posted another colour variation of the DDG monarch butterfly lash range, a lady was VERY upset by them. Used alot of exclamation marks and was genuinely very upset by the lashes. Thats cool. I guess theres a support group for people that hate butterfly shaped eyelashes. She started picking on a ladies name and told her she was in need of a 'Blue paper judge'. The question....what IS a blue paper judge..im not all that smart I guess. Coz i do not know. But after me and the crew got our heads together...we worked it out. Thank you ruby for this historical document. BLUE PAPER JUDGE - put your listening ears awwwwwnn.

INAZ bring the sparkle!!

I had the great fortune recently to stumble across what I personally consider to be a jewel amongst an endless wave of facebook crap. It seems like everywhere you turn, every Tom, Dick and harry are starting facebook based businesses. Which is really great, doin' it for urself is a great feeling. But more than often, its the same old, peddled back and forward around the internet. You could imagine my great excitement to have found a product that I love, and loved so much i chased sponsorship from the Australian arm of the business.

When I recieved my stash of Inaz pigments I was excited. Makeup - its glorious. When I actually cracked the seals on the pots of shimmer pigments and blushers, that excitement skyrocketed about , oh lets say 484385743 fold. They are just SO SPARKLY (well the shimmers anyway) and wearable. I hate to admit it, but i was SHOCKED and happy, and past experiences have given me low expectations. But these, my friends, had me reaching for my brush kit straight up (Something that doesnt happen too often).

Now i get sent and linked and spammed and bombarded with ALOT of crap around the internet, so I really need to press how rare it is for me to get behind something, and to me, Inaz were perfect strangers. Just a company with a product I wanted to try. I hadnt heard much about them, What I found when I dug a bit further into the internet, was suprising and totally refreshing. But lets address the product basics first.

*Highly pigmented. Doesnt take much product to get good payout.

*Massive colour selection.

*Inexpensive. Their pots of pigments go a LONG way.

*speedy shipping.

I just cant even explain how happy I was with these pigments. So wearable. Not clown like but still so vibrant. Thats important to me. Not looking clown-like. Lets face it, we've all scene the nasty lookin "grrrrrl did u look in a mirror before you went out" cake faces around the valley. I know its mean, but when u see bad makeup, you know it. Inaz is super wearable, and aslong as your not applying it with a shovel and /or chopsticks then I dare say you'd be happy with the outcome.

Now after googling Inaz, I found a little bloggy by a little lady named KimmieKarma. Her blog said the same thing as mine re : the product is Beautiful. HOWEVER she claimed they are actually repackaged micas from TKB trading. An allegation that swirls around the interwebs like a bad smell. And tho in some cases the allegations appear to be true with other brands, I really really REALLY do not believe this is the case here.

I am not a founder/manager/saleperson etc for Inaz but immediately I was pretty outraged. Ive been in the makeup game for a pretty valid amount of time now. And i am VERY familiar with TKB micas. They are a cheap colorant. They wipe away in a second. They are light weight sparkle dust...and that is it. No adhesion AT ALL. My experience with the Inaz pigments have been long lasting (i even slept with them on and they stayed that way...ON). Inaz formula is amazing and versatile. Can be water activated for a bolder effect. Many can be used as lip / blusher colour (unless other wise stated). It is nothing like the texture of TKB micas AT ALL. If theres one thing that urks me...it's someone pretending that they know something to feel important, jumping on the witch hunting bandwagon. So i felt the need to address it and that's that. Ok so lets carry on from the suprising to the refreshing...

My interaction with the Australian arm has been beyond professional, friendly and helpful. Great customer service. Also my interactions with the founder, Eric, have also been just as refreshing. They are seriously like Lemonade for my FACE! That doesnt even make any sense.

I have been using my Inaz pigments daily and showed my housemates and house frequenters, India Rose and Sara Fabel the pots of awesomeness. They reacted the same way as I did - "holyfuckinshitthatssomeseriousglamstylez!". I mean..*ahem* they were really impressed with the versatility and adhesion and sort out sponsership from the Australian arm of the business. We had no association with them in any form, but were simply that stoked on what they had to offer we wanted to rep it when we could.

I have been using the lip approved colour over chapstick, slicked over with some clear gloss, the colours are endless and with summer coming in I am excited for the peachy and orangey tones on offer. What i really love about this range, is the colours can be used as day or night wear, with the simple step of water activation. Light and subtle during the day can be converted to bold and daring for the night, all from the same pot.

Heres a tiny snippet of my many favouite shades. So far i have tried about 30ish of the pigments. I intend to try them all. I wish i could list them all but heres my definate "most useds".

"Touch Me" - The biggest stand out colour for me. so pretty with its peachy pink sparkle. Id use it on warm and cool skin tones. Really opens up the eyes for that big doe eyed effect. When using with darker colours its great for inner corner highlights. INCREDIBLE when water activated to the right consistency.

"Royce" - Ive been using this lightly as my cut-creaser on my socket line. It blends beautifully with the other lighter colours and really adds some great contrast. Also have been using it on my lips for some serious deep red glamour.

"Reptar" - I do love my citrus colours especially in summer. Its fruity and gorgeous and really makes my blue eyes pop.

"Sea Bass" - So beautiful on brown eyes. Especially when the lower lash line is also dusted with this colour.

"Billie" - the greatest highlight for inner corner eyes and brow arch I have ever personally used.

I will have some tutorials up soon of my favourite looks with these products. So far I am beyond impressed. Cant wait to see what the future holds for this business. Check out the colour range on the fanpage. Its slammin'.

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.104381322964915.7422.100001791438611&type=3

Aussie Readers best go here - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002695810114

If youve tried them would love to hear your experiences too! So far so good, Inaz. 2 very enthusiastic thumbs up.

SHOW ME WHERE THE BULLIES ARE!!!

It's been a good few years since the lovely Raquel Reed emerged into the underground fashion scene and is since dominating in the field. Respected by fans and colleagues and gracing more magazines and press images than I can count off the top of my head, I can tell with out asking that Raquel has a tongue in cheek outlook towards some of the negative feedback she gets, with her website titled "Ihateraquelreed.com'.

Having a web based business myself (which has also utilised and supports Raquel in her career path) I am no stranger to the seemingly odd and petty comments that sometimes come from strangers and lurkers on the internet. I am no stranger to bizarre emails and behaviour, Coming into contact with ALOT of people is going to guarantee some people that I always butt heads with, but after seeing a Current blog post, regarding Raquel, I wonder to myself...When is it valid??? and when is it just an excuse to bully someone, armed with a keyboard and hurling odd accusations across the internet.

I am from a very supportive network of various gurus in the industry. We support each other as often as we can and we hear about it when someone is playing foul....so when i saw a link to a blog 'naming and shaming' Raquel as a 'copycat' I asked my colleagues what they thought. Same thing I did..."this is getting REEDONK!!!"

I wont link or name the blogger or the blog because I dont want to bully or slam anyone down and I definately do not wish to slander anyone. But the blog depicted images of Raquel in her burlesque outfit, mid performance, along side images of another dancer from the same venue in her outfit. Both traditional looking burlesque outfits. Pearls, Sparkles, Fringing, Beige coloured. Very traditional show girl inspired outfits. Both BEAUTIFUL i might add. But both different. The caption of the image (shown top left) reads as follows..." Imitation may be the most sincere form of flattery, but ripping off my COSTUMES is going too far…".

I immediately thought to myself..."is this just a blog of a performer venting?" or is THIS going too far??? Branding another girl that you work alongside a copycat and a rip off artist for the same colour costume??? Its not just a blog, its a low blow over something SO trivial. To the blogger it must have been worth it, but as an outsider, it looks like something very close to a bad excuse to bully someone in their moment.

Costumes very similar to the ones depicted by both girls in both performances were very traditional indeed. So gorgeous. But the key word here being traditional. Used for the past century by leading ladies, and skyrocketing in the era of the silver screen due to the black and white imagery, the costumes were usually made in beige and are continued this way as tribute to the original sirens. To have the words branded across you online for everyone to see as a 'copycat' over a traditional Costuming choice is in poor form.

I hope the blogger rethinks starting such trivial disputes in the future. I was sad to see Raquels moment ruined by a petty blog. Both ladies keep doing what youre doing, you both make people very happy, but my past personal and professional relationship with Raquel has been refreshing and I have always found her style and presence Innovative and fresh. Raquel is too much of a sweet heart and too business savvy to ever speak out against this ridiculous form of bullying when it becomes so personal. As an outsider looking in...it unfortunately does seem like a very poor excuse and attempt to name and shame a respected lady. Its in bad taste, and I hate to say it, comes across as a little bit of a 'clutching at straws' situation to shame her.

Bullying??? Uncalled for??? or Valid??? My money is on minor bullying rearing its head in the work place..and putting a downer on our favourite performers.

THE QUESTION I ASK..Is this bullying? or is this Harmless??

BREAKING THE CYCLE - The story of a street punk and his adopted family.

A true story about a street kid, his 'street rat' family, adoptive and biological, and their different paths. The situations around them..and I hope a different look into their lives from what some of you would originally think.

I KNOW alot of people see these kids, the tattooed kids, the pierced kids, the street kids. GENUINE street kids. GENUINE street punks. Im not talking about the fashion punks. Im talking PUNX. if you see a genuine street kid from a genuine situation, and feel the need to be that TOTAL BITCH or ASSHOLE and mutter 'get a job" or TAKE A SHOWER!! I hope this spins around perspective a little bit. Do not feel sorry for them. Chances are they have more strength in their little toe than you do in your whole body. They do not need sympathy, they have probably lived their whole lives without it and do not seek it and alot are offended at the notion of 'sympathy' because as a human being they have never recieved it from an outsider and it makes them uncomfortable. Im not saying all DEFINATELY DO, the problem is they ARE fearless and will do what it takes to find peace. Just think for a second..."what if i could learn something here?". What if the kid that you look down on, could teach you more in 10 minutes than youve learnt in your WHOLE life.

The last 2 nights have been terrorising. I could NOT believe when I heard the news. Again. Another young adult from the area and group of people I grew up within had ended their life too early. Far too early. To even think about doing that let alone actually do it, especially at such a bright age, is so very dark and a massive tragedy. These words are grossly under valued so I hope readers really take this in, Carly Staples brought happiness to ALOT of people within her community and here is the part that really needs to be absorbed, this death and tragedy CANNOT BE IN VAIN.

For the kids from the badlands, situations and the lifestyles that were trying, the death of Carly Staples goes beyond the tragic loss of a wonderful person and hits a bit closer to home. The death of Carly Staples (to me) represents a much bigger problem. It represents a vicious, ugly cycle. It represents the need for more people to look past their own front yard. To care what is going on. Its becoming SO impossible to care or help someone else, its dog eat dog. Its lamb eat lion. And its monster eat your child. Because The dog, the lion and the monster have no other choice, If they dont tear you apart, they will be torn apart themselves.

Its ok for others to not see the link between the 2. But i do. Some will agree, some will disagree. And thats ok aswell. The story or my brother and Carly Staples, to me in inspirational.

But this is is where I am refusing to be any of the things above. Its overwhelmingly tempting to be ruthless. Because if you dont be then someone that is will come along and cut you down so fast you wont even know what happened. For the babies that came from bad situations, most of the time it effects us DAILY as adults and constantly leads to further hardship and bad decision making. Hopelessness. Ive left it. I still feel it regularly. Im just one of them few that pretends its all ok. That it didnt stunt me emotionally as an adult. it all leads to us being frowned upon, looked down upon. I can say from experience, there is minimal guidance for these kids out there. There is minimal hope and most of all Minimal understanding.

The day my upset, (young adult) brother came to me and said he was called 'a flea on societies back' by a police person was a day that changed my outlook. My brother was dumpster diving. Waiting for left over produce from bakeries/ supermarkets etc to be dumped so he could get a feed. I guess for some people it is embarrassing, but it is also survival. The will to keep going and taking the less appealling options, not because you want to. because you WANT TO KEEP GOING. To be called an ailment to society for that reason is revolting. its an abuse of power. It didnt make me think the cop was an asshole. It made me think he was priveliged and uneducated, which is an unfortunate combination. I guess its easy to say "get a job". For some people its not that easy. To function within a regular life is a MASSIVE trial. My brother has been on his own since he was a very young boy. Living where he could. He held down a few jobs for significant chunks of time. Which is a big achievement and effort for a mal-adjusted adult. Its an attempt. Dont be fooled into thinking people who resort to these options HAVENT TRIED. If they are still alive, still searching and still attempting another day, then they are giving it all theyve got. They are still trying. If you over look THAT and jump straight into calling someone a 'flea on societies back' then it is not that flea that is lacking a vital part of being a decent human. You, Mr policeman, and your lack of undertsanding and compassion for a young man giving it all hes got to get through another day, are the flea on societies back. Mr Policeman, you do not know the skin of the teeth situation that comes with just trying to get some left over bread from a bakery. And i am happy for you, because you clearly dont understand it, and have been fortunate enough to not experience it. Ever. If you did experience anything like that, you would understand.

Im not the smartest person in the world. But I'm not an idiot. I see what is happening here. I see the way people look down on the "lower class". I see the discrimination. Im sure alot of people do.

One day I posted a photo of my brother on my facebook wall. He was with his friends in their squat. They were all beaming. And i dare say, they had all dealt with more shit in their 20 (give or take) years than most people would have to deal with in a lifetime. Still smiling. I posted it coz I didnt think anything of it. I didnt think of it as sad. I'm so proud of my brother. Then the comments rolled in .."this makes me worried for your brother." "why do you let him stay there?". Truth be told, he had more family ties, understanding and support THERE in THAT place, then what he would EVER get from anyone from the 'upper class'. YES, alot of these kids slept in these places often. Alot of them lived therefrom time to time. I was fortunate enough to have a car to live in for a year. Fortunate enough to have a couch to sleep on occasionally. Some people arnt. And the friends of the street punks who do have somewhere to stay, or have upgraded their living arrangements, and still go back to see their family in the squats are looked down upon. As Scum. That is not scum. That is a person with no predjudice. No discriminations. To me, they have their values very much in tact. Their morals are NOT in disarray. The middle to upper class could learn a thing or 2 from them.

My brother dropped out of school FAR too young. No one interviened. No one actually ever MADE him go. He did not get an education. He is not stupid. He simply has no paperwork to say he is clever and intelligent. Which leads to NO options. Its not like he DIDNT try. After we relocated he came to me and said "i wanna go to school." YES YES!!! WE saved and got his uniforms and books. Hes a talented artist so thats what he focused on. He gave it a fair go. But he was heavily bullied for being 'weird' by the more well off kids. We couldnt afford a school bag, so we sewed a strap to a pillowcase. He TRIED. But emotionally it was far too destructive to his already fragile nature. They bullied him out. I bet their mothers are very proud.

I spent alot of time amongst these bullied and less fortunate kids. I did run away from it. The birth of my daughter when I was a teenager shook me around. Looking back, no one interviened, It was normal for where I grew up, and I was treated appaullingly as a teen mother. I didnt even realise at the time. I thought it was normal. Its not. I did not recieve the same treatment as what a middle to upper class young mother would have. I was scum. I may as well have had it tattooed on my face. I couldnt cope, so I left that place. We needed a fresh start and a fair go. And i took my brother with me. He was still a kid himself. 5 years younger than me. I was 19 when i left. I couldnt hold down a proper job. I was and still am so mal-adjusted. I set out to make my own money on my own terms, and thats what I did. Ive had to hussle like you would not believe. To make enough money to survive with a baby and a brother in tow, and do it honestly, just about broke me.

My brother didnt stay around for long. He even became state property at one stage when he was emitted to a mental hospital. What do we do with these kids?? lock them in a room?? I dont think so. Thats appaulling. They need HELP not isolation and medication. My brother felt too guilty, like he was a burden on myself. If i could have stopped him from leaving I would have. I cried when he left. John drove him away in his shitty little car. It was a selfless decision he made. To leave. It made his life so much harder all over again. He didnt want to burden ANYONE. There is no help for people like my brother. What options does he have? Its an uphill battle and a downhill struggle. He keeps going.

My brother and Carly staples were SO SIMILAR. Very close. Kindred spirits. The paths chosen by both are a testament to the human condition. Companions in what seems like a never ending spiral of SHIT. Tho still staying positive. Happiness does not come from a wallet, it came from each other. The strength of my brother to keep going, even with the loss of Carly who needed to rest, is very symbolic and an inspiration to me as an adult. This is the 7th friend my brother has lost within a very short time. Carly staples plus another 6 that were also very very young. I honestly believe this situation is a result of lack of understanding from society as a whole. Lack of options. lack of hope. it needs to change. He believes it aswell. He chooses to go forth. Its not like he does it defiantly and easily. But he does it. Hats off to him. Someone needs to break the cycle, and i am SO PROUD he is giving it a go.

After hearing about the loss of Carly I was immediately worried and greatly saddened. It was so unexpected. But what does this mean for the others she left behind?? its a great hardship. And i felt sick to my stomach on how he would react. Would he be the 8th friend to pass in a adoptive family of young adults that feel they have no other options? I rang my husband immediately. I was not selfless as my brother has been. I had burdened people with my problems in an attempt to get right. To get square. A few people have beared the brunt of that. The longest running and main person to have done that is Andrew Kerr, my soul mate. I rang Andrew (who fits into this story very soon) straight away to go and find my brother, anyone that knew Ben (my little brother), Knew or knew of Carly and the effect that her passing would have on the community. She was dear to alot of people, my brother being one of the many.

Now to where Andrew fits into breaking the cycle, Andrew Kerr is from what i would call an upper middle class family. His parents are happily married. His siblings are tight knit. He attended a private school. he got a good education in a good area. He openly admits his childhood was amazing and he really hasnt had to deal with any form of huge heartache, loss or hardship. Always taken care of, always provided for. He is everything me and my brother arnt. I guess he was what i would think of as a very lucky and priveliged person. Andrew Kerr, also, took me and my daughter in. He took on my baggage and my issues. He took on hardships and situations that he could never have imagined he would have to. He took on my past. He put it all on his back. And he ran with it. Yes he broke down along the way, its a massive burden to carry, but he dusted it off, saw someone that needed some options and left his comfort zone to HELP. To not discriminate on 2 poor kids from the bad side of town. To not look down on us. To not look down on me for being a teen mum. Never judged. Never blamed, just took it for what it was and got on with it. I always complain and say the universe owes me a lotto win, or something like that. I won the lotto when Andrew Kerr was sent to my remaining family by the universe. I am owed nothing. He saved ME. He could be enjoying a cruisy life with a beautiful and well adjusted lady with no baggage and no children. He's not. Hes a brave man. ANd he is doing what alot of people DONT. Fuck lower class, fuck middle class and fuck upperclass. WE need to break this cycle.

To see atleast ONE person from the middle to upper class that cant even comprehend the hardship, not discriminate or judge the punks and the broken adults, is uplifting. The near miss for me and my brother has been terrifying. Im not asking people to adopt some punk kids from the ghetto, Just some understanding wouldnt go astray. There is nothing scum-like about being backed into a corner with no options. The sooner people realise that, the sooner there is more understanding for optionless kids and young adults that feel they have no way out. If more people looked at that community, how Andrew Kerr looked at me, we wouldnt meet the great loss and tragedy as often as we do.

Different kids, from similar situations, on different paths all based on the help they get/where they are from and the people that judge them. I am very blessed to have had my path interviened by someone that was offering no discrimination and accepted me as ME. I whole heartidly wish Carly Staples had that (what appears to be a) luxury. Acceptance for who you are from all walks of life, all 'classes' of people. Carly Staples brought happiness to alot of people. But didnt see any other option. Because to her there probably wasnt one there. I have a place in my heart for Carly, she was me a few years ago. She was a warrior, a warrior who felt there was no remaining options. I was LUCKY a person looked at me while in that situation with a care in their mind and a though that went beyond "she'll be ok". MAYBE I WASNT. maybe I just needed that 1 person to reach out past what I already had. The thoughts to take the same path as Carly had danced around in my head for years.

So i am HOPING and PLEADING to the kids that come from hardship, keep going. We all need each other. WE can break the cycle eventually. It has to start somewhere. My brother keeps going because he feels this is possible. I am living proof that it IS possible.
and i am HOPING and PLEADING with the people that are fortunate to have never encountered these hardships, to not pass ill judgement on the broken kids and adults. Some of them are giving it a MASSIVE GO by staying around another day. Walk a day in their shoes, let alone 20 + years and you will be TIRED and SORE. Even if its just keeping your mouth shut if you have the urge to comment on a homeless person, a jobless person, couch surfers, punks, teen mums, school drop outs, black, white, public school, private school, street workers, drug users, alcoholics. ANYTHING U WOULD USUALLY LOOK DOWN ON, anyone who you feel like you are better than because of a good upbringing has sent you there.

You can be born into a great situation and NOT act like a total asshole. The people such as the ones listed above that you feel like are scum..are not. Do you really think they have no tried other options?? Some people are born into bad situations and right now feel like they dont stand a chance. If we/they had a chance, they would take it, and if they dont, its because they have never been taught how to or have simply had enough. Straws break camels backs when they are already encumbered. People forget this.

Sometimes all it takes is a few words to change the outcome of someones life. Hopefully everyone reading this will use the words that save it and not destroy it.

Hats off to my brother, Benjamin Apples, for his strength to keep going and seeing the ray of sunshine at the end of the tunnel. Treated like shit his whole life. Onwards, upwards, downwards, sideways...who gives a fuck. Im proud of him and the likes of him to keep going. Your Breaking the cycle. All the kids that have thought about ending it and keep going are breaking the cycle.

Hats off to Andrew Kerr, for representing all it takes for one person that DOESNT understand, to accept that there is all kinds of people. That Just because you were born into gold, you dont have to act like you made from it. Hats off to people like andrew for getting dirty when he COULD be clean for the sake of 'the fleas on societies back'. For bot looking down on less fortunate. Breaking the cycle.

And a moment for Carly Staples. A Literal angel that now represents what we have to keep moving forward for. It cant tear us down any further. Cant let it.

Our babies and younger siblings deserve a fair go. Some of us werent given that. They werent given it by society or chance or fate. We need to break the cycle for younger generations. Think again before passing judgement on people that are less fortunate or live a different lifestyle. The impact could be huge. Everyone deserves an honest OPTION.

Keep fighting. I came out the other side of hardship. My mental and emotional scars are pretty massive. But i came through when i really thought i wouldnt. I wish Carly felt that she could for even 1 second this week.

It takes effort as a society to bring hope. So to all the people that DO pass judgement...You are changing LIVES. For the worse. This outlook as a whole is effecting the options that the "Carly Staples kids' have. To not be taken seriously when you reach out and if you are then there is no option to give. Dont put an ugly, descriminitive brick in your house by laughing or judging someone elses lifestyle. Once society looks at this differently, the government will be FORCED to bring REAL HELP to people who need it. Depression, hardship etc. There needs to be a new exit sign. It cant go on forever and it comes down to a split second of decision making how people deal with hardship. Thats the difference.

Carly staples and the No option 6 are not ficticious characters. They are REAL people that gave it all they had. As a big sister terrified for the remaining kids that i know personally, I am beyond frightened.

People are People. Treat them like that, Mr policeman.

MY CLOUDED MISJUDGEMENT

Hey there, this one is for all you gossip mongers, and also my actual past customers and colleagues in the dark.

Ok there is one long winded thing i need to say and make public for people to be able to view and read. For the past few months, I have not been working in DDG or taking money or sales profits from DDG. There was sales happening by 2 girls that I considered pretty up there on my ladder of actual friends that were making items and utilising the facebook page. I didnt think anything of it. Neither did they. Not an issue..yes it was. It shouldnt have been but the hell that unfolded has been stressful to say the least.

Due to a sob story involving my health, my unborn baby and a doctors cert telling me not to do anything for more than 8 hours a week while i am a high risk pregnancy, I have not been active and have been M.I.A due to my own selfish reasons, appointments and alot of (hopefully) unneccessary worrying. Ok heres where my apology to the 2 girls (even tho i have confirmed yes indeed lost them as a friends)happens. I was also trying to keep my head down as i had become genuinely scared at constant stalkeresque occurances. Im not looking for my friends back, Im not stupid, i was far too out of line. But to save alot of potential harrassment to them and me I need to say the following and write about a shit situation that i dont feel i should have ever said to anyone let alone had to post it here. But for the other girls I thought should be done. I am in no way trying to save lost friendships as i deserve to lose them in this situation. But i need to say this to clear the air for people that have no way to ever hear what actually happened. To stop all this annonymous emailling and to move on. Theres alot of shit circulating, some in which I myself got sucked in by, and lost some girls that i did/do care about.

As i said previous, I have stepped down from work as advised by my doctor for health reasons. I actually did step down just before Greazefest when I was taken (in front of some colleagues and friends)to the emergency ward via ambulance and held in care for a suspected miscarrage. It was embarrassing and i immediately freaked and lost my compsoure. I was so worried as i already knew i was high risk. I never would have put that online. but this is the actual reason i stepped down. I got the thumbs up to finish up at greazefest and thats what i did. I smiled and did it, I love greazefest, but I was actually just out of hospital and it was the start of a constant bunch of unfolding shit. anyway, that is y i stood down from my job. The combination of that and being at the invaded end of weird emails and information collection about myself. I thought it best to stand back. I didnt realise it would be for this long. But the health situation will be reasses in december. and i thought by then the weirdness online would end. Ok now onto the girls and my privacy Invasion.

2 gals were utilising the page. I wasnt taking a percentage of the sales. I wasnt even thinking about it. It wasnt an issue. All of the team of gals was doing stuff to wrap up DDG loose ends aswell as selling their own items for their own profits which i took none of. I didnt even think about it, again was not an issue. I was not making and i was not selling. It all starts to unravel here....

I recently left brisbane and stayed in New castle for family related reasons, I had not been online, when i returned, I found the girls (understandibly) and apparantly, very angry. I got online and sent an email and a few wall posts to which i got no response. I expectd my facebook inbox to be full of urgent emails from them. There was nothing. There was a few hate mails from people (strangers) saying I was a bitch and shouldnt have proceeded with a business if i was incapable and that i am disgusting for making my friends sell stuff for my own gain. I went to the ddg facebook, there was also a few comments saying the same. I wasnt proceeding, I had stepped back. And had told the girls i didnt want it posted on facebook why, and I didnt want the rumour mill turning about my pregnancy. I thought it was for the best to not say anything about my pregnancy and my health related issues, I didnt want to have people in my face and strangers thinking i was playing a sob card. I guess i was wrong. People wanted a reason and when there wasnt one out there alot were fabricated and alot more to be destroyed.

When i Hadnt heard back from the girls, I started thinking the worst, the circulating rumours - that being that they had used me to obtain contacts and learn some tricks of the trade and persue there own projects, and that they were sitting around slagging me off and that I was pretending to be pregnant. I had some people I dont even KNOW in real life push that into my head. And when i 'didnt hear back' i started to believe it. I got some fonecalls and I listened to some bullshit. Huge mistake. Its so out of character. The exposure and accessability of me thru ddg has always had its bitter and sweets. The bitter being that it was easy to get to me, upset me, and publish alot of personal information about me. Easy to contact my loved ones and colleagues (which happened regularly) and turn them on me. Never worked before. I was not that dumb. It was always very transparent.

Somewhere in the next few hours, I have become a paranoid emotional crazy woman and i did believe it. That they really did this. It wasnt true. But before i worked it out I said some mean things to some of my friends about it. I did. I was mean. and I was irrational. I didnt post about it or comment about it...i privately talked to about 5 friends about it. I vented and i cried coz i knew that they knew I was pregnant and having health issues and why i stepped back. I called them bitches. and said i couldnt believe it. I said that i havnt been profitting off ddg (which i hadnt) on the sales they did and that are fucking sneaky bitches and i said alot of other mean shit. Privately i just need to add. never in open forum or group. But none the less i said it thinking they did that and that they were ignoring me. I had said that i thought it was out of character, but i vented and was irrational in doing so none the less.

I got a Phonecall from Zoe from dangerhaus. very upset. Saying she cant believe i said that about her and leigh. In the same second neither could I. I have dealt with peoples attacks and shit and meddling for years and always come out the other side. Why I thought that about 2 people that always did right is beyond me. The link to DDG went beyond a professional relationship, both doing for me what that could, one even housing me from halloween to xmas and going to extraordinary lengths for me when I was dire. The other i setoutto start my boutique with and when my situation arose, we had talked and decided that it was best for me to stand back from everything. She runs the now rebranded boutique independantly. And does it well. They did everything they could to finalise my outstanding orders and copped the shit for it while i was gone.I am appaulled and I cant believe that i even thought it let alone repeated what I heard. I am publicly grossed out in myself for listening.

While on the fone, Zoe also said to me straight out "...look...your account has been hacked..someone has been in there". I thought at first she meant that someone had gone in there and said mean things about the girls. So i thought nah no one has been in there, im a massive bitch it was actually me that said that shit (in retalisation to whati THOUGHT i knew). Then when she followed up with 'someone has been in there and copied what u said and emailled it' It all got pushed a little bit further than what i thought. There was a calculated move involved, which i accused the girls of. and resulting in people i DIDNT EVEN TALK TO emailling them abuse on my behalf. But it was not them. It was an outsider. And i was dumb enough to get sucked in by it all this time. In the time that me and zoe were talking, this information had also been taken and peddled around facebook. added onto/ exaggerated etc. Someone had leaked what was happening. My friends never would. and the people whom i had vented to about 'those bitches' wouldnt say a word. and i had asked nearly all of them to not say anything until i had heard from them. Knowing what i know now, my cloudy brain is pretty clear.

I hadnt been online for a lil over a week at this stage and i thought..who would be bothered with me anymore? im down and out and focusing on growing this baby. No one knew i went to newcastle and ive had my head down low with the baby. It seemed odd. Zoe told me on the fone to go back into my facebook and read the email she sent me...I went back into facebook and checked my inbox...there was nothing. No new messages. I said to zoe..theres nothing here. a problem i had been having for a while. she said yes there is. I clicked my inbox, the messages had been read, along with a bunch of other stuff. Im not sure what was fucked with and I guess ill never know what has been sent out/deleted/read by a nameless person that now knows every detail about me. While i was online looking, I was signed out by an unknown device. I logged back in immediately and changed my password etc and justwent hollly fuck ive been fucking buttfucked! I told zoe that I would be deactivating my account because of it while i was sleeping etc and she had informed me that herself and leigh had also had their privacy invaded a few weeks prior. Im glad zoe took the time out to actually talk to me, i dont think the rift between me and the girls is ever fixable but it definately shone some light on what was going on.

I posted up a status saying that I was going to deactivate my account while i slept etc, as someone had been seriously fucking with me and i wanted to prevent it further. I asked my friends online to tell me if i sounded like a douche bag and asked them to read my post. My judgement has obviously been clouded this week so i asked advice. "Theres no post". again and again a few different friends replied the same when i asked them if i sounded like an ass. there is no post. There was i was looking at it. Im not very clever on facebook etc. Im not good with technology. My fone cost $29! i have no idea about this stuff. I didnt know why they couldnt see. I checked my block list. Was everyone on block?? what was happening? Nope all there.

I went into settings. I eventually found 'custom settings' and it had been altered so that "only me" could see anything i was posting. Unless i was replying to a wall post, nuthing was showing up. I signed in from another account and it was true, there was absolutely NUTHING coming out of my facebook page. and very very little coming IN. Never any new messages etc. As i said above, I was very upset the girls had been ignoring my wallposts and wondering why they were saying i was uncontactable. I was leaving posts saying "hey if u need me call me i have no credit etc". In amongst other stuff to them and other people. But none of them were showing up to anyone but ME. to me it looked like they were. but they WERENT. the most time I was offline was 10 days around when i went to newcastle.

I posted up on my status (after fixing the custom setting) that my settings had been changed and some people said they hadnt seen me online for a LONG TIME. what. the. fuck. i know i was gone for a bit but not THIS long. I had called the girls liars for saying they had contacted me, when in fact i was recieving no new inboxes due to them being checked already. And they were get 0% interaction from me due to me being the only one looking at my posts. I didnt know that was possible,,,but I guess if u really wanna fuck with someone. Now u know how. It wasnt anyone elses fault to how i reacted but mine. I assumed the worst after having my wall posts and emails apparantly ignored and being tipped off for anonymous. There hadnt been any posts from me for 10 days, due to me being in NSW but this kind of build up doesnt happen in that time. I did get texts from friends saying they were worried about me and for me to contact them. I thought i had via facebook coz i have no credit being a bum and all. I dont know how long no new posts were coming up. And only when i replied to someone on my wall did anything show.

What i want to say is that there has always been anonymous emails sent (by the same person im guessing). and my accounts have always had log in attempts and security warnings. I have always recieved anonymous emails and tips from 'people'. Never acted on any. Mostly i would giggle or get angry that someone could be bothered, depending on what it was in relation too. Topics and email recipients have varied over the years, stretching from myself, to my models to my suppliers. An array of people. Very few have been sucked in or tricked. Theyhave been sent to so many people and there has been statuses relating to them by the other parties. Who also need to cover their asses. I always thought 'how dumb do you have to be to believe that shit'. Now im on the list. and hurt and lost 2 people i Do care deeply for in the process of becoming the dumbest motherfucker on the planet.

Atleast getting invaded and 'outed' as a bitch made me see that they NEVER shafted me. Im glad i know that now. I wish i never shafted them in return. But i did. and they didnt.

My apology to Zoe and particularly Leigh is sincere. They ALWAYS had my back. and it is so grotesque that I doubted it and thought it let alone repeated it. I can imagine them both reading this and saying 'yeah it sure fucking is' right now. I agree.

CUTE JUMPSUIT!!!

Yesterday i was filling in time waiting for an appointment. I decide to do some window shopping. Theres some cute shit around at the moment. The following conversation was probably the great 5 seconds on this particular afternoon. Heres what happened :

I walked into cotton on.

Cotton on shop idiot - "OHHH CUUUUUUUUUTE JUMPSUIT!!! WHERE DID YOU GET IT?? I WANT ONE!!"
Fanny - "I got this from Cotton On'"

Immediately followed by the BEST BLANK STARE I HAVE EVER GIVEN.
She gave one right back.

the SAM WORTHINGTON IS SINGLE drill

My Phone makes that 'msg recieved' tone late last night. WHYARE YOU TEXTING ME SO LATE!?!?! I huffily stamp over to my phone. I left it on the bar amongst all my crafting shit. '33 messages recieved'. coz im so popular and shit. ok ok ok. 1 msg recieved. Its my sister from another mister, India rose. The information this text message contains is valuable. It shines like a treasure chest. Angels sing and all that shit. 'SAM WORTHINGTON IS SINGLE!' She understands the level of this situation and what it means. Thats why she included the exclamation marks. The process begins.

I put the 'Sam Worthington is single' drill into action. I immediately run to the shed to get a hammer. i SMASH in the emergency glasses face and i hit the giant glowing SAM WORTHINGTON button. Sirens and flashing lights lower from the ceiling. Tiny little robots fly out of mouse holes in the walls of my house. 1 has fake tan. 1 has false lashes. 1 has listerine and 1 has rohypnol. I quickly get my suck em in undies and some vaseline so i can slide into my super awesome super hero catsuit. The cape has velcro..so if it gets caught on anything it simply tears away. I stand on my window sill and a launch into the night. I learnt to fly. Just so you know.

I had some special goggles made. When i wear them everyone NOT sam appears green. Sam appears as a..well sam. and thats how i now its him. Hightech. I also had a pair of goggles specially made for him. When he puts them on i look like Halle Berry. Its simple. Swoop in...get the sam..chloroform is the key. and then leave ASAP. like a swift ninja bird. He will know as soon as the chloroform, rohypnol and oysters (horny goat weed is also acceptable) wear off, That I am the girl of his dreams. And he shall live for the rest of his life alongside ME. And if he ever tries to takeoff his goggles i will beat him. :D

LOVE U SAMMY!!!
xoxoxo
Ur little fanny booboo bunny cakes.