hilaaarious

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists -two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her. The first man said.You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife, The agent replies, Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I can't kill my wife. The agent replies, You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. Finally, it was the womans turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.

ALWAYS HAVE HOPE...even if hope is a total goose

So if you feel like sometimes you just cant straighten out your day or your doing totally stupid things, and you have to have a laugh at yourself at how totally ridiculous you are..You can now laugh at the ever so lovely hope instead.

Allow me to elaborate in the form of re-enactment.

Hope - Im doing really silly things lately.
Fanny - Nahhhh youre not. like what
Hope- I used tequila in dinner instead of oil
fanny - thats not that silly.
hope - ........I bought a box of flour to work instead of my lunch.

LOLFEST im sorry WHAT!?!??!
You bought a box of flour to work..instead of your lunch.
A BOX OF FLOUR INSTEAD OF LUNCH!!
best thing ive ever heard.
Im just going to sit over here with my delicious, delicious lunch. Ham, cheese and sundried tomato on turkish bread. im enjoying it. its a tasty, tasty treat one might say.
Oh what do you have for lunch hopey?? OH A BOX OF FLOUR!?!??!

Enjoy.
All the celebs will be doing it in a matter of weeks.
And when they are all done..they can make a paper mache piggy bank with their saliva. grossy.

just to recap.
boxes of flour DOES NOT taste delicious.
Ham, cheese and tomato on turkish bead DOES taste delicious.

sorry hopey.
DIG IN GUYS

THE WEEKEND GETAWAY

Fanny and Andrew take a much needed holiday...to a new webcambackground. it was beautiful i wish you could have all been there to see the sunset. amazing. i guarantee youve never seen a sunset like this. Unless you own a Mac.

note ; lack of beard.
oh yeah and andrew shaved his too.
lolfest

OH ITS ON! like..beardy...kong.. or...something.

RANDOM BOGAN (to andrew); WHATS GOING ON HERE!!!? ARE YA HAVIN A COMPETITION TO SEE WHO CAN GROW THE BIGGEST BEARD!?!?! HAHHA...

quite lame if u ask me

ANDREW (to random bogan) : YEAH YOURE FUCKING LOSING

quite excellent if you ask me.

Oh no random bogan thats fine..approach my boyfriend. your a weird stranger and everything but thats fine we love it. and by that i mean.. fuck off.

TRYING NOT TO COUGH IN THE ELEVATOR

So i was gracing Brisbane city with my presence yesterday. I had to deliver some stuff and figured i would do a bit of window shopping. Ive had a very bad (and totally NOT contagious) cough for about 3 weeks. It kinda resembles the sound of like..an old man with lung cancer dying. Thats not funny.

Anyways, i was in the Queen street elevator with a bunch of people. And i felt a cough brewing..i tried to hold it in..so I was frantically drinking my boost juice trying to stop the cough. The grossest thing even is when strangers in a confined space sneeze/cough. I didnt want to be the gross coughing girl. UNDERSTANDABLY i might add.

I was doing pretty well restraining myself but the boost juice was soooo cold and it was giving me brain freeze...so i stopped drinking it. I felt it building back up. i thought i could do a little throat clearing cough. So I gave that a go. It came out as...how can i explain?? Ok you know that sound a little kid makes when they are debating something. like MMuuuUUUUuuuuUUUuummm.. just imagine that noise. but with no word. yep. Thats how it came out. like uuUUUUuuuuUUUUUUuuuUUUuu kinda like a donkey tho. that husky sound. So all of a sudden i was the psycho in the elevator.

You know that look that people do. The OMG WEIRDO look. I got that from about. oh lets say 8 or 9 people. how does a non crazy girl respond to making unusual sounds in the elevator???...with an overly aggressive "WHAT!?!?!?" ofcourse.

Im not crazy.

ANDREW (HEARTS) JESSICA

I got a big box of vintage kewpie dolls today. The are awesome and 30+ years old. All totally identical, every single one the same as the last. Andrew picks his Favourite one. its exactly like the rest. I ask for him to throw his kewpie doll to me so i can inspect her quality. He informs me that 'No you cannot have Jessica I love her'.

Fanny *blank stare* Just throw JESSICA to me.

Andrew says "OK! but dont mix her in with the rest of those fuckheads".

UMM...what/???

"I WISH I COULD GET A MERMAID PREGNANT..SO THE I COULD SQUEEZE HER AND GET FREE CAVIAR" - The great Andrew Kerr, 2010.