MY CLOUDED MISJUDGEMENT

Hey there, this one is for all you gossip mongers, and also my actual past customers and colleagues in the dark.

Ok there is one long winded thing i need to say and make public for people to be able to view and read. For the past few months, I have not been working in DDG or taking money or sales profits from DDG. There was sales happening by 2 girls that I considered pretty up there on my ladder of actual friends that were making items and utilising the facebook page. I didnt think anything of it. Neither did they. Not an issue..yes it was. It shouldnt have been but the hell that unfolded has been stressful to say the least.

Due to a sob story involving my health, my unborn baby and a doctors cert telling me not to do anything for more than 8 hours a week while i am a high risk pregnancy, I have not been active and have been M.I.A due to my own selfish reasons, appointments and alot of (hopefully) unneccessary worrying. Ok heres where my apology to the 2 girls (even tho i have confirmed yes indeed lost them as a friends)happens. I was also trying to keep my head down as i had become genuinely scared at constant stalkeresque occurances. Im not looking for my friends back, Im not stupid, i was far too out of line. But to save alot of potential harrassment to them and me I need to say the following and write about a shit situation that i dont feel i should have ever said to anyone let alone had to post it here. But for the other girls I thought should be done. I am in no way trying to save lost friendships as i deserve to lose them in this situation. But i need to say this to clear the air for people that have no way to ever hear what actually happened. To stop all this annonymous emailling and to move on. Theres alot of shit circulating, some in which I myself got sucked in by, and lost some girls that i did/do care about.

As i said previous, I have stepped down from work as advised by my doctor for health reasons. I actually did step down just before Greazefest when I was taken (in front of some colleagues and friends)to the emergency ward via ambulance and held in care for a suspected miscarrage. It was embarrassing and i immediately freaked and lost my compsoure. I was so worried as i already knew i was high risk. I never would have put that online. but this is the actual reason i stepped down. I got the thumbs up to finish up at greazefest and thats what i did. I smiled and did it, I love greazefest, but I was actually just out of hospital and it was the start of a constant bunch of unfolding shit. anyway, that is y i stood down from my job. The combination of that and being at the invaded end of weird emails and information collection about myself. I thought it best to stand back. I didnt realise it would be for this long. But the health situation will be reasses in december. and i thought by then the weirdness online would end. Ok now onto the girls and my privacy Invasion.

2 gals were utilising the page. I wasnt taking a percentage of the sales. I wasnt even thinking about it. It wasnt an issue. All of the team of gals was doing stuff to wrap up DDG loose ends aswell as selling their own items for their own profits which i took none of. I didnt even think about it, again was not an issue. I was not making and i was not selling. It all starts to unravel here....

I recently left brisbane and stayed in New castle for family related reasons, I had not been online, when i returned, I found the girls (understandibly) and apparantly, very angry. I got online and sent an email and a few wall posts to which i got no response. I expectd my facebook inbox to be full of urgent emails from them. There was nothing. There was a few hate mails from people (strangers) saying I was a bitch and shouldnt have proceeded with a business if i was incapable and that i am disgusting for making my friends sell stuff for my own gain. I went to the ddg facebook, there was also a few comments saying the same. I wasnt proceeding, I had stepped back. And had told the girls i didnt want it posted on facebook why, and I didnt want the rumour mill turning about my pregnancy. I thought it was for the best to not say anything about my pregnancy and my health related issues, I didnt want to have people in my face and strangers thinking i was playing a sob card. I guess i was wrong. People wanted a reason and when there wasnt one out there alot were fabricated and alot more to be destroyed.

When i Hadnt heard back from the girls, I started thinking the worst, the circulating rumours - that being that they had used me to obtain contacts and learn some tricks of the trade and persue there own projects, and that they were sitting around slagging me off and that I was pretending to be pregnant. I had some people I dont even KNOW in real life push that into my head. And when i 'didnt hear back' i started to believe it. I got some fonecalls and I listened to some bullshit. Huge mistake. Its so out of character. The exposure and accessability of me thru ddg has always had its bitter and sweets. The bitter being that it was easy to get to me, upset me, and publish alot of personal information about me. Easy to contact my loved ones and colleagues (which happened regularly) and turn them on me. Never worked before. I was not that dumb. It was always very transparent.

Somewhere in the next few hours, I have become a paranoid emotional crazy woman and i did believe it. That they really did this. It wasnt true. But before i worked it out I said some mean things to some of my friends about it. I did. I was mean. and I was irrational. I didnt post about it or comment about it...i privately talked to about 5 friends about it. I vented and i cried coz i knew that they knew I was pregnant and having health issues and why i stepped back. I called them bitches. and said i couldnt believe it. I said that i havnt been profitting off ddg (which i hadnt) on the sales they did and that are fucking sneaky bitches and i said alot of other mean shit. Privately i just need to add. never in open forum or group. But none the less i said it thinking they did that and that they were ignoring me. I had said that i thought it was out of character, but i vented and was irrational in doing so none the less.

I got a Phonecall from Zoe from dangerhaus. very upset. Saying she cant believe i said that about her and leigh. In the same second neither could I. I have dealt with peoples attacks and shit and meddling for years and always come out the other side. Why I thought that about 2 people that always did right is beyond me. The link to DDG went beyond a professional relationship, both doing for me what that could, one even housing me from halloween to xmas and going to extraordinary lengths for me when I was dire. The other i setoutto start my boutique with and when my situation arose, we had talked and decided that it was best for me to stand back from everything. She runs the now rebranded boutique independantly. And does it well. They did everything they could to finalise my outstanding orders and copped the shit for it while i was gone.I am appaulled and I cant believe that i even thought it let alone repeated what I heard. I am publicly grossed out in myself for listening.

While on the fone, Zoe also said to me straight out "...look...your account has been hacked..someone has been in there". I thought at first she meant that someone had gone in there and said mean things about the girls. So i thought nah no one has been in there, im a massive bitch it was actually me that said that shit (in retalisation to whati THOUGHT i knew). Then when she followed up with 'someone has been in there and copied what u said and emailled it' It all got pushed a little bit further than what i thought. There was a calculated move involved, which i accused the girls of. and resulting in people i DIDNT EVEN TALK TO emailling them abuse on my behalf. But it was not them. It was an outsider. And i was dumb enough to get sucked in by it all this time. In the time that me and zoe were talking, this information had also been taken and peddled around facebook. added onto/ exaggerated etc. Someone had leaked what was happening. My friends never would. and the people whom i had vented to about 'those bitches' wouldnt say a word. and i had asked nearly all of them to not say anything until i had heard from them. Knowing what i know now, my cloudy brain is pretty clear.

I hadnt been online for a lil over a week at this stage and i thought..who would be bothered with me anymore? im down and out and focusing on growing this baby. No one knew i went to newcastle and ive had my head down low with the baby. It seemed odd. Zoe told me on the fone to go back into my facebook and read the email she sent me...I went back into facebook and checked my inbox...there was nothing. No new messages. I said to zoe..theres nothing here. a problem i had been having for a while. she said yes there is. I clicked my inbox, the messages had been read, along with a bunch of other stuff. Im not sure what was fucked with and I guess ill never know what has been sent out/deleted/read by a nameless person that now knows every detail about me. While i was online looking, I was signed out by an unknown device. I logged back in immediately and changed my password etc and justwent hollly fuck ive been fucking buttfucked! I told zoe that I would be deactivating my account because of it while i was sleeping etc and she had informed me that herself and leigh had also had their privacy invaded a few weeks prior. Im glad zoe took the time out to actually talk to me, i dont think the rift between me and the girls is ever fixable but it definately shone some light on what was going on.

I posted up a status saying that I was going to deactivate my account while i slept etc, as someone had been seriously fucking with me and i wanted to prevent it further. I asked my friends online to tell me if i sounded like a douche bag and asked them to read my post. My judgement has obviously been clouded this week so i asked advice. "Theres no post". again and again a few different friends replied the same when i asked them if i sounded like an ass. there is no post. There was i was looking at it. Im not very clever on facebook etc. Im not good with technology. My fone cost $29! i have no idea about this stuff. I didnt know why they couldnt see. I checked my block list. Was everyone on block?? what was happening? Nope all there.

I went into settings. I eventually found 'custom settings' and it had been altered so that "only me" could see anything i was posting. Unless i was replying to a wall post, nuthing was showing up. I signed in from another account and it was true, there was absolutely NUTHING coming out of my facebook page. and very very little coming IN. Never any new messages etc. As i said above, I was very upset the girls had been ignoring my wallposts and wondering why they were saying i was uncontactable. I was leaving posts saying "hey if u need me call me i have no credit etc". In amongst other stuff to them and other people. But none of them were showing up to anyone but ME. to me it looked like they were. but they WERENT. the most time I was offline was 10 days around when i went to newcastle.

I posted up on my status (after fixing the custom setting) that my settings had been changed and some people said they hadnt seen me online for a LONG TIME. what. the. fuck. i know i was gone for a bit but not THIS long. I had called the girls liars for saying they had contacted me, when in fact i was recieving no new inboxes due to them being checked already. And they were get 0% interaction from me due to me being the only one looking at my posts. I didnt know that was possible,,,but I guess if u really wanna fuck with someone. Now u know how. It wasnt anyone elses fault to how i reacted but mine. I assumed the worst after having my wall posts and emails apparantly ignored and being tipped off for anonymous. There hadnt been any posts from me for 10 days, due to me being in NSW but this kind of build up doesnt happen in that time. I did get texts from friends saying they were worried about me and for me to contact them. I thought i had via facebook coz i have no credit being a bum and all. I dont know how long no new posts were coming up. And only when i replied to someone on my wall did anything show.

What i want to say is that there has always been anonymous emails sent (by the same person im guessing). and my accounts have always had log in attempts and security warnings. I have always recieved anonymous emails and tips from 'people'. Never acted on any. Mostly i would giggle or get angry that someone could be bothered, depending on what it was in relation too. Topics and email recipients have varied over the years, stretching from myself, to my models to my suppliers. An array of people. Very few have been sucked in or tricked. Theyhave been sent to so many people and there has been statuses relating to them by the other parties. Who also need to cover their asses. I always thought 'how dumb do you have to be to believe that shit'. Now im on the list. and hurt and lost 2 people i Do care deeply for in the process of becoming the dumbest motherfucker on the planet.

Atleast getting invaded and 'outed' as a bitch made me see that they NEVER shafted me. Im glad i know that now. I wish i never shafted them in return. But i did. and they didnt.

My apology to Zoe and particularly Leigh is sincere. They ALWAYS had my back. and it is so grotesque that I doubted it and thought it let alone repeated it. I can imagine them both reading this and saying 'yeah it sure fucking is' right now. I agree.