oh Ms Wighton..what a wacky...wacky goose you are.

"POODLE HAIRCUTS STINK AND HINT AT FAILURE"

THE modern Western world's fascination for bad haircuts has me puzzled.

As one wit observed, a poodle hairstyle is a lot like an embarrassment - it's a short term commitment, looks like shit and the colour has obviously faded over time. And I'd like to add pointless and ridiculous.

In my book, if you want to announce to the world that you're stuck in the 80's, are in denial you are aging, are a blind person that cuts your own hair, have severe bogan tendencies, are having a midlife crisis, or all of the above - go get a poodle style haircut.

Newly divorced women in their 40s once just got an ankle chain - a far less ridiculous nod to their new independent status than a poodle haircut.
Now they're likely to front up a ridiculous haircut (and I use the term firmly). If the 'rachael' cut or the 'posh bob' are not dated enough for your liking. Choose something as nauseating as the 'Buofant Poodle.'

Come on people. Teased, Poodle hair-dos are an ancient ritualistic practice indulged in by cultures with far more exotic and substantial lineages than yours, cultures such as nightclubs in the 80's, and "classy" 1980's hustler mags, hailing as you do from 1980 - 1991 (in extreme cases, 2010)

In Maori culture, for example, or in ancient Egypt, this haircut was far too ridiculous for them to ever adorn themselves with.

And there's no turning back with Poodle hair. You can change the style but u will NEVER live that down. Haircuts are like childbirth?? oh wait. no its not.

What if you get it wrong? Dolly parton has donned the do for almost 30 years now. and its funny. and so very very wrong. Monica Louinski also donned a boufant doo back in the day. sucked in. or maybe just sucked.

Penelope Cruz has NEVER had this haircut. she is far too much of a babe.

Each of the Dixie Chicks have also never had this haircut. for reasons listed above.

Angelina Jolie has a list of tattoos as long as her left arm - which incidentally has at least three tattoos, including a Tennessee Williams quote. Pretentious, ne c'est pas? Maybe she is pretentious, but she has really great hair hey?


Talented and troubled singer Amy Winehouse reckons you can never have enough boufant hair. She has more than a dozen storeys of it on her head. sue wighton is a huge fan.

But while you, dear reader, may be deluded enough to think these poofy abominations are attractive, it seems most people find them particularly unsexy in a potential partner.

According to a recent survey, ALL Australians are totally turned off by 80's hair taller then a house.

So the tip is: if you're searching for a little doo on doo action. best keep yours the way nature intended, within a one metre radius of your head.


And I know this is not an original thought, but just what are these over-the-top decoration going to look like on an ageing head. I guess we do know, thank you Ms wighton.

Oh and while we are publishing fotos of people who did not give their permission. id thought id throw one in myself.

I think I might take Australian inked, successful business woman, Fanny Barlows, lead on aquiring a boufant 80's poodle doo. Heres what she says :
"I dont like poodle hair, It looks super shithouse. But you have taught me it is apparantly totally ok to write articles on individiuals personal aesthetic choices"

Here is my middle finger. It is a bit successful

Fanny Barlow

original post

http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/whats-with-the-trendy-tattoos-ink-stinks-and-hints-of-failure/story-e6freon6-1225949775423

hilaaarious

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists -two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her. The first man said.You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife, The agent replies, Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I can't kill my wife. The agent replies, You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home. Finally, it was the womans turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair.

ALWAYS HAVE HOPE...even if hope is a total goose

So if you feel like sometimes you just cant straighten out your day or your doing totally stupid things, and you have to have a laugh at yourself at how totally ridiculous you are..You can now laugh at the ever so lovely hope instead.

Allow me to elaborate in the form of re-enactment.

Hope - Im doing really silly things lately.
Fanny - Nahhhh youre not. like what
Hope- I used tequila in dinner instead of oil
fanny - thats not that silly.
hope - ........I bought a box of flour to work instead of my lunch.

LOLFEST im sorry WHAT!?!??!
You bought a box of flour to work..instead of your lunch.
A BOX OF FLOUR INSTEAD OF LUNCH!!
best thing ive ever heard.
Im just going to sit over here with my delicious, delicious lunch. Ham, cheese and sundried tomato on turkish bread. im enjoying it. its a tasty, tasty treat one might say.
Oh what do you have for lunch hopey?? OH A BOX OF FLOUR!?!??!

Enjoy.
All the celebs will be doing it in a matter of weeks.
And when they are all done..they can make a paper mache piggy bank with their saliva. grossy.

just to recap.
boxes of flour DOES NOT taste delicious.
Ham, cheese and tomato on turkish bead DOES taste delicious.

sorry hopey.
DIG IN GUYS

THE WEEKEND GETAWAY

Fanny and Andrew take a much needed holiday...to a new webcambackground. it was beautiful i wish you could have all been there to see the sunset. amazing. i guarantee youve never seen a sunset like this. Unless you own a Mac.

note ; lack of beard.
oh yeah and andrew shaved his too.
lolfest

OH ITS ON! like..beardy...kong.. or...something.

RANDOM BOGAN (to andrew); WHATS GOING ON HERE!!!? ARE YA HAVIN A COMPETITION TO SEE WHO CAN GROW THE BIGGEST BEARD!?!?! HAHHA...

quite lame if u ask me

ANDREW (to random bogan) : YEAH YOURE FUCKING LOSING

quite excellent if you ask me.

Oh no random bogan thats fine..approach my boyfriend. your a weird stranger and everything but thats fine we love it. and by that i mean.. fuck off.

TRYING NOT TO COUGH IN THE ELEVATOR

So i was gracing Brisbane city with my presence yesterday. I had to deliver some stuff and figured i would do a bit of window shopping. Ive had a very bad (and totally NOT contagious) cough for about 3 weeks. It kinda resembles the sound of like..an old man with lung cancer dying. Thats not funny.

Anyways, i was in the Queen street elevator with a bunch of people. And i felt a cough brewing..i tried to hold it in..so I was frantically drinking my boost juice trying to stop the cough. The grossest thing even is when strangers in a confined space sneeze/cough. I didnt want to be the gross coughing girl. UNDERSTANDABLY i might add.

I was doing pretty well restraining myself but the boost juice was soooo cold and it was giving me brain freeze...so i stopped drinking it. I felt it building back up. i thought i could do a little throat clearing cough. So I gave that a go. It came out as...how can i explain?? Ok you know that sound a little kid makes when they are debating something. like MMuuuUUUUuuuuUUUuummm.. just imagine that noise. but with no word. yep. Thats how it came out. like uuUUUUuuuuUUUUUUuuuUUUuu kinda like a donkey tho. that husky sound. So all of a sudden i was the psycho in the elevator.

You know that look that people do. The OMG WEIRDO look. I got that from about. oh lets say 8 or 9 people. how does a non crazy girl respond to making unusual sounds in the elevator???...with an overly aggressive "WHAT!?!?!?" ofcourse.

Im not crazy.

ANDREW (HEARTS) JESSICA

I got a big box of vintage kewpie dolls today. The are awesome and 30+ years old. All totally identical, every single one the same as the last. Andrew picks his Favourite one. its exactly like the rest. I ask for him to throw his kewpie doll to me so i can inspect her quality. He informs me that 'No you cannot have Jessica I love her'.

Fanny *blank stare* Just throw JESSICA to me.

Andrew says "OK! but dont mix her in with the rest of those fuckheads".

UMM...what/???

"I WISH I COULD GET A MERMAID PREGNANT..SO THE I COULD SQUEEZE HER AND GET FREE CAVIAR" - The great Andrew Kerr, 2010.

FANNY BARLOWS GUIDE TO INTERNET SLANG - LESSON 1

hey all you crazy cats. Ever feel like your the only one that cant understand all this crazy netspeak? WEll, HERE I AM!!! throwing all you guys a line to understand-ment. "Undrestand-ment??" u may ask..well that is why you are here..u dont know shit.
Ok lets start with the simple stuff. letter abbreviations and 'laughter' abbreviations.

Y = WHY?

if someone says to you 'y' they are asking you a question meaning 'for what reason' or could be used in this context also "I dont know y there is no cheese left, i swear i didnt eat it all"

SEE! you learn sumthing new everyday.
Single letters are often used instead of a full word. i say YAY to this as who can be bothered taking the extra split second to type an additional 2 letters. eg. U - YOU. sum1 - someone.
GENIUS.

ok now for these apparant 'laughter' abbreviations. you may think LOL, LMAO and ROFL are all signs of humour. YOU ARE WRONG.
LOL which is often mistakenly abbreviated from 'laugh out loud'. Common mistake. i know youve be under the MISCONCEPTION for the past 8 years that it stands for this...but what is actually stands for is...'little old lady.'

Some of you may not know this..but the internet is delivered to your computer via grandmas staring thru (thru - through) your window..and they deliver the connection with their telekenesis eyes by staring at you. so when somebody says to you LOL..it actually is an intercepted message that happened when they have recieved their internet signals. like..letting you know that the little old lady was there, staring at you and sumtimes breathing heavily. Think about it...its TOTALLY logical. the word LOL happens in an unfunny conversation about 5000 times a minute, so dont worry. youre actually not funny at all. Its the telekenetic "little old lady' glitch. ok glad we cleared that up.

LMAO - another abbreviation ppl often get confused over. again..you are not funny. it actually means that you are talking to a perv as it stands for 'lick me all over'

ROFL - ok rofl. I often use this one as a threat... when i want to warn somebody or let know know they have gone too far i say ROFL - which means 'raunchy old fellas lunging'. Which means..if u keep pissing me off ia m gunna send some raunchy old fellas to your house to lunge in front of you. and NOBODY wants THAT.

ok now heres the super tricky part. you may have seen that occasionally somebody links together ROFL and LMAO to become ROFLMAO. if ANYBODY ever says this to you..do not be their friends as they are a really sick fuck.

ok i hope this has helped you all a bit into being a bit more net savvy. let me know if i have helped you. and remember...Physically going shopping is for LOSERS.

THE ASS CLOWN

Fanny says to Andrew - "All flights over europe are delayed due to an ass clown in the sky"
Fanny says to Ben - "Nowhere is flying coz there is a giant assclown"
Fanny says to Elle - "I dont get why everything is delayed coz of this assclown"

I have been very concerned about this so called assclown invading the sky.

Andrew says to Fanny - "Baby...its an ASHCLOUD"